What am I doing?

Ok, so I have been doing the Bible study, Breaking Free, and Lord, I find so many things God wants to change in me.  I feel a huge fight going on between the devil and my Lord for my will.  God says "DO THIS!"  But my flesh says "ugh......I don't want to!!!!"  It has been unbelievably hard!!!  There is one issue that I really need to take care of with another person, but I'm sure that person (who is a wishywashy friend anyway) will think I am nutso.  She will probably gloat over my admission, and ugh!!!  I just DON"T want to!!  So I am in my prayer closet every day urgently finding out what the Lord wants me to say......and He said, "It doesn't matter what she does, or what she thinks, or how she acts.  What matters is I said do it, and you must do it.  This isn't about her, it's about your relationship with me and where I want to take you, and how I'm going to use you and this for MY glory."  So, OK, Lord, here I go........

Blessings.....

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

lovely new song from Laura Story

Heartache

The night is done
The day has come
The dreaded day
My mind is numb-with words that won't come
To ease your pain
My heart is hurting for you, my daughter
My tears flow because yours do
I can't make it all better
Like when you were a little girl
But I know One who can
He can lift your spirit, calm your mind
Dry your tears, alleviate your fears
He will be your friend, your provider
Your deliverer, your defender
He can hear your heart cries
And tell you it will all be better

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort." 2Cor. 1:3

I love you, dearest
I will do all I can to make this time easier for you.
Mum

If I Had it All to do Over Again......

I love this article from Erma....you really start to think about these things when life throws you a curve ball.

 

"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER"

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather rambling about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculped like a rose before it melted
in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more
while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realising that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's"

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . .
look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back."
— Erma Bombeck

Not How I Planned It......

Going into the parking garage, I see the MD Anderson Cancer Center main entrance.  This is not a place you think to find yourself in life, especially with your child.  But, it is a good place, a place of hope. The care and support we have gotten here is beyond belief.  We have gotten the absolute best of care here, and the doctors have given us so much more hope here than they did in Florida.  Lindsey is feeling good today, and the Dr. came in and said her infection is responding well to the antibiotics they are giving her in her IV.  He said if it continues to go well, she can take them orally and probably get to go home. She has an MRI tonight to check her brain after surgery, and hopefully we will get an update on that, and a report from the pathology lab, too!  Maybe they'll let us go home then. 
I am so homesick-I want to go home, and I miss my other girls, too.  The understand, but I know they are ready for Mom to come home.  I miss my comfortable routine, work, church, practices, etc.  Jolee has softball starting Friday, and I want to be there to see her pitch!  I'm a proud Mom!  I have 3 extraordinary girls and I'm very proud of them!  I also have 3 great stepkids, (really don't like that word), but I'm very proud of them, too!! 
I live a blessed life.  Thank you, Lord.

Miracles & More

Well, here we are again....at the hospital with Lindsey.  This time at MD Anderson in Houston.  They've admitted her because the wound from hr surgery isn't healing well, and they are going to have to go back into surgery to repair it and make sure it's not infected.
She was a bit of a celebrity yesterday when we were in counsel, meeting with doctors.  Nurses, interns, doctors, PA's, etc., etc., etc., kept coming in to get a look at it.  Finally the PA came in and asked if she could take a picture of it so they wouldn't keep coming in.  Later, she came back again and asked Lindsey if she could use the pictures in a speech she was giving about improper care of wounds.  Funny, but where would we be without a little humor?
I read this morning in Genesis....:Is there anything too hard for the Lord?   We must believe while we are praying for her healing.  Faith and believing she is going to be healthy and fine is all I have been depending on.  HE is the Great Physician, and NOTHING is too hard for HIM! 
Awesome.........I am humbled.

Comfort.....

What makes me content? I thought I'd list some things (not limited to) that make me happy and comfortable.
*a quiet morning when everyone is asleep and I am in my jammies drinking hot coffee and reading or journaling, or most mornings. both!
*the sound of the train in the distance...I know it doesn't sound comforting, but it is just by being there....comfort knowing it's always the same, always there. 
*holding the hand of one of my precious (precocious?) daughters, hearing them say "I love you, Mom!"
*the snnnooorrrriiiinnngggg of my hubby -who is driving me crazy tonight with his snoring!! 
*my parents being just down the road a piece....knowing they are there is comforting to me.
*the feeling I get when I walk into our church...it doesn't feel like a stuffy place, just a welcoming place where I can find someone who will love on me and care about me.....even though they know full well my flaws!
*the sound and smell of a blazing fire as it warms my heart and home!
*the sound of a friend's or family member's voice..even if I haven't seen them in forever, the conversation still flows freely because we are part of each other....
*Widdles' little toenails clisck-clacking on the floor,,,,,just lets me know he's there underfoot, as usual.  But it comforting!  (he's my grand-dog!)
more to come......